Sunday, June 8, 2014

Girl Drink Drunk: Jagermeister Puke Nightmare

I went to the Dome friday night. The Dome is one of those places I'd always heard really negative things about (or positive things from people I have little to know respect or patience for), it has a reputation for being a really sketchy pick up bar, but I'd never been there so couldn't really formulate my own opinion about it. Friday night was ladies night so my friend suggested we go check it out with her boyfriend and my roommate. So I donned my trashiest clothes, slapped on about half a pound of makeup and the cheap Playboy perfume, and went out to da club.

The place was empty when we got there so that gave a bit of time to wander around and get a feel for the place. It's pretty big, connecting three different clubs (The Dome, Cheers, and Taboo which are all more or less identical). Cheers had a live band playing really bad covers of pop songs, making me wonder why not just have a DJ as it would undoubtedly be cheaper.

But more to the point of this particular story, upon our arrival my roommate decided that we were far too sober and ordered each of us two jagerbombs. I've never had a jagerbomb before, then suddenly I had two in my belly, rolling around and giving me the required energy to partaaaaaaayyyy, which I did rather vigourously.

Jager and tequila flowed like water that night, I heard "Party Rockers" an untold number of times, the place gradually filled up to the point where doormen had to herd everybody like sheep to prevent major congestion of the roadways. It was a good time. We got drunk. Nobody tried to feel me up which was both a relief and a little bit disappointing. All in all much dance was had and, though nightclubs are in no way my scene, the Dome is no better or worse than any other club I've been to, it's just bigger. Around two in the morning one of our party succumbed to intoxication and we cabbed home.

I got home, considered ordering Chinese food, decided not to, had a glass of water, laid down, and here my nightmare begins. As soon as I laid down I felt a little nauseated, so got up and sat outside for a bit to try to get some fresh air. That didn't work too well so I went and puked in the bathroom. All well and good. I love puking when I'm drunk because it generally minimizes the hangover.

I woke up around eleven feeling sick to my stomach, and puked again. Exhausted, head pounding, I returned to bed only to have the nausea return as soon as I laid down. I was up again. Seven times. Seven fucking times I was up puking. As soon as I'd lie down I'd start to feel sick again. By the end of it I was shaking, sweating, praying for the sweet release of death and bringing up nothing but about a quarter teaspoon of brown foam every time. The kicker? It smelled and tasted like jagermeister.

Abruptly around four o'clock the puking stopped and I fell asleep on the couch, sleeping the entire day away. I got up around nine or so and went over to McDonald's at about eleven thirty to grab a burger and a poutine. My friend, who prides herself on never vomitting, texted me in the afternoon "Vomit free since 2007 is now vomit free since 12 hours ago"

So, to summarize, I think it will be a while before I return to the Dome, and will definitely be a long, long time before I drink jagermeister again.

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