Friday, April 18, 2014

Girl Drink Drunk: Failed Smoothie

One of my absolute favourite things to do is making mystery drinks - this is a holdover from when I was a bartender and patrons would always say stuff like, "make me something special" or "different" so I'd make something up on the spot. I had a few gems, but most of the time it was like I was punishing people for no good reason.

This particular drink was one of the latter. I read a recipe somewhere for a smoothie comprised of milk and citrus juice, which seems like not the greatest idea to begin with, but for some reason I decided to go with it.

Recipe for disaster


3 oz. orange juice (I bought the cholesterol friendly kind with plant sterols in the hopes that it will neutralize the bacon sandwiches I ate yesterday)
3 oz. grapefruit juice
3 oz. goat's milk (the sole reason I switched to goat's milk was because sobey's had it)
tsp. vanilla extract
tbsp. sugar
1/2 oz. bols blue curacao

I thought the blue curacao would enrich the citrusy flavour while also making the dirnk blue which is fun - however, I only had half an ounce of it left from the last time I made Sonic Screwdrivers, so it didn't do a whole helluva lot.

Chucked all that in the blender with a handful of ice and blended the sweet fuck out of it.

Yeah, it looks like a tasty-tasty but I assure you it is not
And what I got was a stanky ass goat milk grape fruit nightmare that didn't even come out a fun colour. If you know what those things taste like, imagine tasting them together. Ooohh, yeeah, taste it. Mmm baby. The goat's milk also made it kinda chalky and weird and utterly horrible.

The "recipe" yielded about two servings, leaving me with a dilemma. The sensible part of my brain said, "it tastes like arse, pour it out and go buy a case of beer", while the redneck in me hollered, "that's got alcohol in it, don't you dare waste it". Meanwhile, my crafty, cunning half quietly murmured "you can fix this"

So I chucked about half a bottle of white cacao in there and chugged it straight out the blender jug so at least I got a buzz off it. Then I fell asleep on the couch.

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