Friday, April 18, 2014

Girl Drink Drunk: Failed Smoothie

One of my absolute favourite things to do is making mystery drinks - this is a holdover from when I was a bartender and patrons would always say stuff like, "make me something special" or "different" so I'd make something up on the spot. I had a few gems, but most of the time it was like I was punishing people for no good reason.

This particular drink was one of the latter. I read a recipe somewhere for a smoothie comprised of milk and citrus juice, which seems like not the greatest idea to begin with, but for some reason I decided to go with it.

Recipe for disaster


3 oz. orange juice (I bought the cholesterol friendly kind with plant sterols in the hopes that it will neutralize the bacon sandwiches I ate yesterday)
3 oz. grapefruit juice
3 oz. goat's milk (the sole reason I switched to goat's milk was because sobey's had it)
tsp. vanilla extract
tbsp. sugar
1/2 oz. bols blue curacao

I thought the blue curacao would enrich the citrusy flavour while also making the dirnk blue which is fun - however, I only had half an ounce of it left from the last time I made Sonic Screwdrivers, so it didn't do a whole helluva lot.

Chucked all that in the blender with a handful of ice and blended the sweet fuck out of it.

Yeah, it looks like a tasty-tasty but I assure you it is not
And what I got was a stanky ass goat milk grape fruit nightmare that didn't even come out a fun colour. If you know what those things taste like, imagine tasting them together. Ooohh, yeeah, taste it. Mmm baby. The goat's milk also made it kinda chalky and weird and utterly horrible.

The "recipe" yielded about two servings, leaving me with a dilemma. The sensible part of my brain said, "it tastes like arse, pour it out and go buy a case of beer", while the redneck in me hollered, "that's got alcohol in it, don't you dare waste it". Meanwhile, my crafty, cunning half quietly murmured "you can fix this"

So I chucked about half a bottle of white cacao in there and chugged it straight out the blender jug so at least I got a buzz off it. Then I fell asleep on the couch.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Badass Songs for Badass Bitches

It's not a big secret, and I'm positive that I've mentioned it on here before, that I have some slight mood problems. Mainly, I get very sad or very angry for extended periods of time and I'm too stubborn, broke, and/or apprehensive of doctors to get medicated for it (I also had a really bad experience the one time I went to a therapist for it, but that's a story for a different day). So I find myself constantly coming up with new and creative ways to aleviate my brain troubles.

My latest and as yet most effective remedy consists of two things. Firstly, I started running every day. I can't express how glad I am that I finally bit the bullet and hopped on it because not only does it work really well improving my mood, I'm also developing a rockin bod and I don't smoke nearly as much as I did before.

Secondly, when I run I make a point of listening to music that makes me feel like a badass bitch from hell - upbeat songs by girl artists with empowering messages (disclaimer: I loathe the word 'empowering' and I hate throwing it around but it was fitting in this particular context). Slowly but surely the barrage of bitch music has been making its way into my mind and making me feel super good about myself. So I decided to share my running playlist with you. These are also really good driving songs, and kickass breakup songs.


This song taught me that if people can't keep up with you, hell with them.


This song taught me to do whatever the fuck I want, everybody else's opinion be damned.

BAGGAGE CLAIM -- Miranda Lambert

This song taught me that shouldering somebody else's emotional problems is not worth the trouble.

DONE -- The Band Perry

This song taught me that it's actually okay to be angry if somebody hurts you. Sometimes keeping it in and being a delicate blossom is bullshit.


This song taught me that if somebody blocks you on Facebook, you should kill the fucker.

KEROSENE -- Miranda Lambert

This song taught me that sometimes you have to just walk away from shit. If something or somebody is giving you grief, just burn it. Figuratively...


This song may seem a little out of place here, and I'm sure some people think that looking to Courtney Love for inspiration is a bad idea, but she's just such an awesome rocker chick. This song appeals to my desire to be beautiful, as well as my compulsion to itemize things in lists.

ROAR -- Katy Perry

This song taught me to fight back and stand up for myself. I know it's not the most unique or clever choice but fuck you I like it.


This song taught me that outside of society is where I want to be.

RUNS IN THE FAMILY -- Amanda Palmer

This song didn't really teach me a whole lot but it sums up my mental state quite accurately. Also it's Amanda Palmer who is basically my role model. Also it has the word 'run' in the title and that makes me feel clever.

SHE WOLF -- Shakira

This song taught me that being domesticated is bullshit.

SHOOT HIM DOWN -- Alice Francis

This song taught me that if a guy cheats on you, you should kill the fucker. If you actually watch any of the videos in this post, you should watch this one coz it's pretty cool.


No girl power playlist could be complete without Beyonce, and if I hear one more person criticize the woman because her interpretation of feminism somehow threatens their interpretation of feminism, so help me god I will smoke a bitch. Anyway, this song taught me not to wait for a guy that won`t commit to you, and that being single is awesome.

WINGS -- Little Mix

This song taught me to listen to my mother.

WOMANIZER -- Britney Spears

This song taught me not to be duped by every hotshot player who comes along.

WORK BITCH -- Britney Spears

This song taught me that if you really want anything you have to be ready to work your ass off for it. I made this song my alarm in the morning to keep me on track.

WORK IT -- Missy Elliott

This song taught me that fucking dudes is nothing to be ashamed of. What the fuck happened to Missy Elliott, seriously? She's the goddamn shit, she is.

Got any songs you think I should add? Leave them in the comments.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Girl Drink Drunk: The Split Crow Pub

I was downtown last night with my roommates and decided to check out the Split Crow Pub seeing as I've never been there and it's my good friend Dean's Halifax pub of choice. It's also apparently where the first murder charge in Nova Scotia occured, so, you know, that's interesting.

I was only in there for about half an hour so I didn't catch any music or anything. The building was really cool though, with old brick walls and wooden bench seats, and it's also huge which is cool. It's pretty classy feeling without being too ritzy. The dude that served us was really nice and actually humoured me when I demanded he sing David Bowie (yes, I'm kind of a dick. I tip really well if it makes you feel any better). The beer isn't crazy cheap or nothing, it's about the same as any other bar in Halifax, even some of the really sketchy ones.

I got the cheeseburger poutine because I have a serious poutine problem - this particular poutine had ground beef and bacon in addition to the regular poutine fixins - and it did not disappoint. I mean, it's the size of a small cat which is good and it was super tasty. The fries were those perfect poutine fries, ya know, not too crispy and not too soft. Either the beef or the gravy had some sort of seasoning which I can't quite place but it tasted good. The bacon was... y'know, bacon. This giant poutine and a Schooner came to under twenty bucks altogether (before the tip) so that ain't too shabby.

Anywho, it's a really nice, versatile spot, suitable for date nights, hanging out with your bros, or sitting alone and crying in your beer. I would go again, to do one of the three. Check out the Split Crow's website here.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Girl Drink Drunk: Cocktail Shaker

One household accessory I really wanted since becoming an adult and moving out of my mom's house was a cocktail shaker. I bartended for my roommate's birthday last month without the use of a cocktail shaker - I used a glass and a smaller glass and a plastic yogurt container lid with holes in it because I'm resourceful but that's kinda bullshit.

Last week I went to Canadian Tire and bought a cocktail shaker for $9.99 plus tax which I think is pretty darn reasonable.

Pictured here with our booze collection
I haven't used it yet and honestly I only wrote about it because my drink of choice for last night was Bacardi Spritzers and they're tasty and all but not really review worthy. They simply are.

Anywho, I'm sure my life is going to get all shaken up now. Get it? I made pun.