Monday, April 16, 2012

I Can't Even Take a Picture

So this morning I was looking at my room and realizing just how far I've let myself go. I'm just coming out of a particularly long fit of depression and you would definitely know it to look at the place where I sleep.
The last time I saw my floor it was covered in little pieces of sticks, dried up mud, books and broken glass. I'm pretty sure the glass is still there because there's a tiny piece in my foot right now. Not really sure about the other stuff, I will find out after the excavation.

The visible layer is so much dirty laundry I don't even know what to do with it all. For the last five months I've been picking out underwear to wash when I've been wearing the same pair for a little too long (you don't want to know how long 'too long' is, trust me), and washing very little else unless I absolutely have to. Mixed in with the clothes which are being slowly ground into the floor is some spare change, receipts, miscellaneous garbage and empty cigarette packs. I haven't bought a pack of cigarettes since January. There is a small hole in this layer of filth for my alarm clock so I can at least sort of know what time in the afternoon I'm getting up.

The piece de resistance - and the proverbial last straw - is the single empty Alpine Lager can atop the whole thing, the result of taking a beer to bed with me because hey, why not, the cats don't mind.

I really wanted to take a picture of this whole thing before I started deconstructing it but one of the symptoms of living in what I like to call the Lair of Despair is that I can't find any of my god damn shit. I have two digital cameras at my disposal - a little Pentax video camera, and a Nikon on indefinite loan from my brother for stills. When looking for these cameras I found the following:
- Pentax battery charger
- Nikon battery
- Nikon camera bag

Things I did not find:
- Pentax camera
- Pentax battery
- Power cord for Pentax battery charger
- Nikon battery charger
- Nikon camera

The really startling thing is that I always tried to keep all of that stuff together. Also peculiar - last night I decided to find my CD player so I could at least listen to some Bowie while drinking beer in bed. I found my CD player but not the power cord. The question I have is not where shit disappears to, but why some shit disappears and not other shit.

All of this stuff will, of course, turn up in the fullness of time but whether it takes a day or a year is up in the air. Until then, I'll just have to describe all of these things to you.


  1. The Spriggens steal only part of the shit...that way you are left with the encumbered of the rest, but it is non-functional. Why do you think laundry leaves you with one sock, not two or none>

    1. I've been wearing my underwear inside out for the last week, hopefully that'll discourage them.