How To Write a Short Story

I wrote this when I was bored. I sort of got the inspiration from an article by Roman Dirge called 'How I Draw' (which can be found here).

1. FIND A SECLUDED SPOT WHERE NOBODY CAN FIND YOU
I like to write in my living room in a slightly uncomfortable chair when nobody is home. Writing in bed is a bad idea as falling asleep becomes a problem. Some people like to write outside. I do not as I hate the outdoors and everything in it.

2. GATHER WRITING MATERIALS
I use two notebooks, a box of pens and a computer. The computer is for research. The first notebook is for the actual body of writing. The second notebook is for writing down the information harvested from the internet. Having a box of pens is just nice because then you feel like you have all the pens.

3. WRITE SOME STUFF
Just keep making words until it starts to look like a sentence. Feel free to use lots of weird punctuation. Ex: "look out?" cried molly; dave - the captain/cook - meanwhile, dove for cover^

4. LOOK SHIT UP
I use wikipedia.

5. CHECK E-MAIL
While I'm on the internet, I might as well check my hotmail, gmail, yahoo, facebook, myspace, blogs, forums, facebook again, hit random article on wikipedia a few times, google stuff, go on facebook, IM my peeps and play a few rounds of Tetris.

6. LATER
By now, a couple of hours have passed and I feel like I have accomplished something. I go sit in bed and cry.

7. SLEEP
Eventually, I fall asleep and dream that I am a man who has just given birth to triplets.

8. WAKE UP
Cry some more. I eat my stash of chocolate and then cry because I am out of chocolate.

9. SIT IN BED
I usually like to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling until around two AM. Then, my brain kicks in and I am ready for action.

1O. WRITE A SHORT STORY
Yeah, then I pretty much just write the fucker.